Like Emptiness in Harmony...

8:29pm:

Hello, friend!..... 





If you haven't seen it yet, check out my user info

I generally post public, but if you are interested in being friended, you're welcome to comment.

*smiles*

 

12:37pm: thoughts.....what are yours?
What do you do when your mind, your heart, and your body each disagree?

Obviously, as with any decision, it is helpful to look at the consequences. But even then the decision is not always clear.

When I look at myself, I find that in almost every situation, my mind is the strongest, my body the weakest, and my heart somewhere inbetween. Therefore, to follow my body would be to weaken my mind and my heart, but to follow my mind would be to strengthen my heart and my body.

Naturally, that is what I strive for.

But is that healthy?

I have a good mind, and when I think through things, I am normally right. But is there a place for emotions? When do I need to listen to something besides my better judgement?

I'm really very confused. Any ideas? Please comment.

Random quote of the post: "My lucky doll, you're in heaven before me. You were my taste of heaven here. Remember we loved to talk about it? ...couldn't wait to get there... So you go on and find your way around now, and remember I'm here missing you - do me a favor and say 'hey' to Jesus and tell Him I'm missing Him too.  Tell him I'm missing Him too...... Then save me a seat at the breakfast table, save me a dance around the milky way! Save me a thousand years to wisper in your ears all I've wanted to say! Save me a smile and an angel's feather, save me a walk donw the streets of gold...and maybe we'll change our minds, just like old time, and maybe we'll just fly away - but maybe we'll stay!"

Rondom fact of the post: I still.......*still*.............STILL...can't believe you're gone.....

2:53pm: i very long list of mostly true facts



TRUTHS:
1. Last beverage = sprite
2. Last phone call = uh...chris
3. Last text message = fb...but other than that, elizabeth -lizzle- sandrock
4. Last song you listened to = right round! lol
5. Last time you cried = um, monday...but kinda more recently than that.

SIX HAVE YOU EVER’s
6. Dated someone twice? nope
7. Been cheated on? um...depends on your definition of "cheated on"
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? not like that...but YES!!! LOL
9. Lost someone special? you have no idea...
10. Been depressed? yep
11. Had a friend turn on you? kind of

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
12. red, black, silver...thats it

HAVE YOU:
13. Made new friends? i do that all the time
14. Fallen out of love? lol 
15. Laughed until you cried? oh yeah!
16. Met someone who changed you? uh...yeah
17. Found out who your true friends were? some of them. 
18. Found out someone was talking about you? of course
19. Kissed anyone on your friend's list? :) 
20. How many people on your friend's list do you know in real life? the majority of them
21. How many kids do you want to have? i wanna start with 1
22. Do you want to change your name? not really
23. What did you do for your last birthday? nothing. but i got the best best gift i could've asked for...i was in PA when the peson who i wanted to see less than anyone else in the whole world was in TN for the weekend! YES!
24. What time did you wake up today = the first time, it was 0715
25. What were you doing at midnight last night? talking to new people
26. Name something you CANNOT wait for? nothing...my life is always good, never AMAZING
27. Last time you saw your father? um.....september 28th
28. One thing you wish you could change about your life? nothing
29. What are you listening to right now ? typing, talking, and tv
30. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? uh?????
31. What's getting on your nerves right now? once again, nothing. i'm chill like that
32. Most visited webpage? facebook hands down

ABOUT ME:
33. What's your name? bethany ruth pinzur
34. Nicknames? are kinda cool
35. Zodiac sign? LEO, baby!
36. Male or female? i is a girl
37. Elementary? homeschool
38. Middle School? homescool
39. High school? gateway christian school
40. Hair color? blue
41. Long or short? longish
42. Height ? 5'4"
43. Do you have a crush on someone? *grin* i suppose i do
44: What do you like about yourself? im pretty confident and nice.
45. Piercings? i like them in both guys and girls
46. Tattoos? dont have any yet
47. Righty or lefty? right, but im artistic anyway. BOYAAH!!

FIRSTS :
48. First surgery? i had a cyst
49. First piercing? ears
50. First best friends? jae
51. First sport you joined? soccer
52. First pet? uh...still waiting for that one
53. First vacation? hah. same
54. First concert? once again...stilllllll waiting.
55. First crush? caleb maxwell. lol

RIGHT NOW:
56. Eating? no
57. Drinking? not
58. I'm about to? shake a tower!!! (take a shower...)
59. Listening to? the same as before
60. Waiting for? nothin....

YOUR FUTURE :
61. Want kids? after i get married - YAH
62. Want to get married? very, very, very much
63. Careers in mind? the only career i want is the kind where i do new things every day...so i'll probably never have one. i'll probably change too often. LOL

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE GENDER?
64. Lips or eyes? i'm partial to him having two of each!
65. Hugs or kisses? both. once again...both, together.
66. Shorter or taller? taller than i am. 6'2" if at all possible. hah
67. Older or Younger ? for some reason, i tend to like younger guys
68. Romantic or spontaneous? spontaneous fo sho.
69. Nice stomach or nice arms? LOLOL
70. Sensitive or loud? um, sweet
71. Hook-up or relationship? i usually dont go for either, but i def dont go for the hook-up
72. Trouble maker or hesitant? well im a trouble-maker, so my friends always are too, it would be weird to marry someone who wasn't my friend

HAVE YOU EVER :
73. Cried yourself to sleep? um-hm
74. Dyed your hair a color you hated? nope
75. Kissed a stranger? neva
76. Peed your pants? im sure i have, but i dont remember it
77. Jumped in a pool with clothes on? yep
78. Lost glasses/contacts? nope

80. Broken someone's heart? psht...why do these things ALWAYS ask that. i tried not to, ok? like to think it's the guys' fault...
81. Had your own heart broken? yep. but i guess i deserved it...
82. Turned someone down? on every level possible. yes
83. Cried when someone died/ i cry when people i dont even know die...cause someone somewhere is about to have one hell of a time because of it
84. Liked a friend that is the opposite gender? um...that would be true...right now. HAH

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
85. Yourself? i believe that i exist
86. Miracles? depends on what you think a miracle is
87. Love at first sight? no
88. Heaven? yep
89. Dying for a good cause? i believe it happens, i believe i would do it.......how do you believe in dying for a good cause?!
90. Kiss on the first date? i believe it happens, im not planning for it to happen to me, but i dont really date, so i dont have to think about it
91. Angels/Demons/Ghosts? sure.....?

10:33am: guess where i am??
well, yes, duh. i'm in the milky-way galaxy. on planet earth. continent: north america. and i'm even still in the us. but, only a few of you know any more detail than that, and none of you know exactly...

i am in wisconsin. madison's east side. at covance clinical researce unit. lol

bet you hadn't guessed that. ;)

the first paragraph is fairly self-explanatory, but i'm hoping you are at least slightly curious about the second one.

first of all, WISCONSIN! yes, i am in wisconsin! several months ago my oldest sister, esther, invited me to come up here and spend some time with their family. at the time i was preparing to go spend the summer in pigeon forge, tn with a campus outreach group. but when that was over, it came back up. well, by the time they decided that they really did want me, and i decided that i really did want to go, and we worked out a ride.....it was the end of september. so i have been up here since september 28th!

"why?" you ask? quite a few reasons. obviously, i want to get some good time with my sis! it's been a while since she moved out, and i miss her, so when the opportunity came up for me to spend some time with her, i jumped on it~ i also happen to like her husband a fairly good amount..... ;) and they just had a son! how could i possibly resist the offer?! and there's more...although i didn't even begin to understand this til i left, there is SO much more opportunity here. more jobs, more culture, more people, and more to do. not to mention, they have a car that they let me use. they have a BEDROOM that they let me use. and lastly, it is somewhere new! i love new places, new people, new experinces. it was simply too good of an option to pass up.

so that is wisconsin.

since i've gotten here i've done quite a few things...i looked at a lot of jobs, applied for a few, interviewed for two......and got hired for two! since last monday i have been working for vector marketing corporation, and as of november 12th i will be working for duluth trading company as well! in addtion to working, i have been gathering research about EMT work around here. in tennessee i am an EMT-IV, which is the 2nd of 3 levels; however, on the national (and more importantly, the WI) cale, i am only an EMT-basic, the 2nd of 4 levels. there is nothing wrong with that, except at that level, we don't get paid in WI...it is strictly volunteer. once aain, i DO NOT have a problem with that. i am in the process of getting my WI license, and as soon as i greceive it, i will begin volunteering at at least one service in the area. i'm not sure how long it will take, but i am extremely excited for when i can actually do it!

now, i am not actually living in madison, the town where esther and pj live is called black earth. it is tiny. yes, smaller than hartsville! i can walk from 1 end to the other in literally 30 mintues and in 20 minutes the other direction. but it is a very clean town. the fact that i am 30 minutes from madison mean that there is plenty to do, but it also has the effect of class on black earth. there is an awareness of the world that is entirely new to me. hartville is very community focused. people are born, raised, and buried in hartsville without ever going any further than the next county for the highschool football game. now, i don't have a problem with that, there are certainly benefits. it just mean that for a person like me with a very active mind and very wide ambitions, it feels more like a trap than home.

for the past few weeks i have been going to church with es and peej. i like it so far. it is certainly not without its quirks, but where would i be without weird people? *grin* it is small, which is something i like, A LOT. it is mostly made up of young couples with young children. lol the pastor and his wife have 5 daughters ranging from 19 up, but they are all in school except the oldest who is married, so i don't really see them. so it's a little bit odd for me there. however, i didn't come up here to make new friends as much as to gain new experinces, so i am very happy with the time i spend with es, pj, and caed, and spending lots of time keeping up already established friendships. if i make new friends along the way, i will be happy, but that's not the main goal.

when i left TN, i was tentatively planning on staying up here for 3 months, and going back to TN around new years, however, as much as i have enjoyed it, i am seriously considering staying up here longer. i am asking though, that you pray for me! PLEASE!!! i know that i really need direction. i want to honous my parents in my dicisions, i want to want to do what i choose, but most of all, i want to be where God wants me! please pray that He will change hearts and minds as necessary and show me where He wants me in His time.

if you think there is a certain place that i should be, you can by all means join the rest of my friends who are praying for me to get married...to someone in the area you want me to be in! LOL and while i think it's highly amusing, i have had quite a few people tell me that is exactly what they are doing...in several different places. i'm interested in seeing how *that* turns out. ;)

as for convance....well, i am NOT one to go for easy money, but i am getting paid (if i get chosen, and i should find out in a few hours if i do) to be given a new med and then be monitored for 4 days...so it's not like winning money, it's like earning money, fast.

i have already learned a lot...

i have been much more proactive about everything in my life since i've gotten here, making phone calls, making interviews, making friends, making opportunities. it's kind of fun to see how much can happen when i am working hard for it!

i've definately gotten better at driving not only in traffic, but in getting where i'm trying to be without getting hopelessly lost. :) much better...i've started learning roads, (14, packer's ave., KP, 12, M, verona ave., F, 78, JJ, e. washington, etc.!) towns, (verona, middleton, lodi, sauk, blue mound, black earth, madison, belleville, fitchburg, cross plains, mazomanie, mt. horeb...) maps, and road signs. i love it!

also, the more i do, the more confident i get doing it. and doing everything else.

while i AM loving the new life, however, i am starting to think that maybe putting down some roots and having a home just might be something i want to do at some point soon...but i also want to go to school, so i don't want to settle somewhere now only to leave there in a year. ah, the dilemas! :) like i said before, please just pray for me.

and that folks, is a full and honest report of the past month in the life of bethany pinzur! =)

12:39am: for any1 who has ever doubted
i hate to say this, but i wasted a couple hours of my day doubting. >:-/

not really my ideal way of spending my time, but sumhow i wouldnt let God take my fears. i wouldnt believe.

why?

id forgotten that my God is my loving Dad. my sovereign King. my careful Protector. my master Planner.

why?!

why do i forget these amazing truths and get lost in the maze of doubt when He has provided so much for me to trust?
why dont i believe Him when He says that He will with hold nothing good from me and the everything He gives me is good?
why do i lose sight of the One who gave me my sight?
why dont i "cover my mouth" and let my eyes see the One my ears have heard about?
why am i so afraid?!

but He has given me a little faith. i cant forget that. and He gives me these small trials to build my faith.

so i am content.

i will count it all joy that i have fallen into this temptation, cuz the trying of my faith produces endurance and if i let endurance have its perfect work, i will be complete, lacking nothing.

isnt that the goal in the first place?

7:01pm: ( i did this mainly for my sake, but ur welcome to look at it, naturally... )

9:12pm: i run to You
What's the connection between you and the last person you txted?
um, were friends...who happen to like each other a lot. but that doesnt make us good friends... :S

Does someone have a crush on you?
haha...depends entirely on how u define "crush"

Are you excited for anything?
yeah. :))

When was the last time you watched a movie?
tuesday nite: LION KING!!!

Did you have any unread text messages when you woke up today?
14

Is anyone protective over you?
well duh they r.

Are you wearing jeans right now?
of course

What color are your eyes?
greeeeeeen

If you were being chased by an alligator, what would you do?
climb a tree and laugh

Who can make you feel better in a difficult situation?
the ppl who always make me smile...there r only a couple of those.

Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now?
i claim the right of silence

Has anyone told you they don't ever wanna lose you?
um-hm

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
yep!

How do you feel about girls smoking?
very little emotion at all

Where would you rather live, England or Australia? Why?
australia...have u seen their flies??!! england would be boring for me

Have you slept next to the last person you kissed?
awkward question...

Would you rather go to Africa or Paris for two weeks?
2 weeks? africa. if it was 1 week then paris.

What does your toothbrush look like?
sour gummy worms

Who was your teacher in kindergarten?
didnt go. hah!

Who did you last take a picture with?
i RLY dont remember...

What's the first thing that pops into your head when you think of two summers ago?
play...person...OMG!!!!!!! *that* was 2 years ago!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHOA!!!

Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
if we were married

When do you plan on getting married?
tomorrow

Did the last person who hurt you ever apologize?
do guys ever apologize?

When was the last time you cried really hard?
rly hard? december. hard? july. cried? sunday 1.5 weeks ago.

If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?
easy: peanut butter

Has your best friend ever randomly stopped by your house?
haha. sure!

If you could have something right now, what would it be?
IDK!!! im very confused on that topic 2day!

Are you tanned?
not rly

Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out?
its cool

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
depends on who i was with

Last person you told a secret to?
the ppl i tell secrets 2 already know everything so they dont rly count as secrets i guess...

3:09pm: 2 random tag-thingies.....
WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = agua
2. last phone call = um...es
3. last text message = dj
4. last song you listened to = she thinks my tractors sexy!!! lol
5. last time you cried = about 5 minutes ago. dont ask.

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = no
7. been cheated on = um..........kinda...not really...but kinda.
8. kissed someone & regretted it = nope! :)
9. lost someone special = several
10. been depressed = yeh
11. been drunk and threw up = haha, thank God no

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. red
13. black
14. silver

THIS YEAR (2009) HAVE YOU:
15. Made a new friend = a bunch!!
16. Fallen out of love = lol kinda.
17. Laughed until you cried = yes! yay!
18. Met someone who changed you = i think so
19. Found out who your true friends were = definately
20. Found out someone was talking about you = lol i guess u could say it like that
21. Kissed anyone on your fb friend's list = nope

GENERAL:
22. How many people on your fb friends list do you know in real life = i think all except maybe 5 or 10
23. Have you ever ignored a fb friend request from someone you know = um-hm
25. Do you want to change your name = not really
26. What did you do for your last birthday = hung out with apryl
27. What time did you wake up today = 8...and again at 1145
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = looking at smp pix
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = nothing comes to mind
30. Last time you saw your Mother = today
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = i wouldnt mind having a bedroom at least
32. What are you listening to right now = still kenney ches
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom = lol. no never. hah
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = the fact that i have nothing to do and dont know how to change that
35. Most visited web page = fb
37. Nicknames = bessie-lu, beth, becky, beth ANNIE, criss, crusty, bis
38. Relationship Status = unavailable
39. Zodiac sign = LEO!
40. Male or female? = is a girl
41. Elementary? = homeschool
42. Middle School = ditto
43. High School = ditto
44. Hair colour = a red-ish-blonde-ish-brown-ish bronzy color
45. Long or short = loooong
46. Height = 5' 4
47. Do you have a crush on someone? not exactly
48. What do you like about yourself? im creepy
49. Piercings = 2
50. Tattoos = not yet
51. Righty or lefty = right

FIRSTS :
52. First crush = depends entirely on how u define crush
53. First piercing = right ear
54. First best friend = jae
55. First sport you joined = soccer...LOL!
56. First vacation = idk!
58. First car = um...still waiting for that one

RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating = um, not
60. Drinking = same
61. I'm about to = take sum vitamin c
62. Listening to = kenney ches
63. Waiting for = idk...

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? = think so
65. Get Married? = id really love to
66. Career? = depends

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes = im kinda partial to ppl having both
68. Hugs or kisses = um-hm
69. Shorter or taller= tall :)
70. Older or Younger = idc
71. Romantic or spontaneous = again, both is good
72. Nice stomach or nice arms=  lol idc
73. Sensitive or loud = sensitive
74. Hook-up or relationship = relationship
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = trouble-maker-ish

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger = no
77. Drank hard liquor = nope
78. Lost glasses/contacts = noo
79. Sex on first date = it happens. hopefully not to me
80. Broken someone's heart = pft. i like to think they were cracked and not really broken
81. Had your own heart broken = any1 who breaks hearts desrves to get their heart broken.....so yeah
82. Been arrested = nope
83. Turned someone down = um, yah
84. Cried when someone died = over and over
85. Fallen for a friend? = doesnt happen

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself = for sum things
87. Miracles = sure
88. Love at first sight = um...it can def start at first sight
89. Heaven = yeh
90. Santa Claus = oh yeah!
91. Kiss on the first date = totally depends
92. Angels = i guess

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
93. Had more than one bf/gf?= no
95. Did you sing today? = duh yes
96. Ever cheated on somebody? = never
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why? = i wouldnt
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? july 4th maybe....but im not one for going back
99. Are you afraid of falling in love with somebody else? = sumtimes
100. Posting this as 100 truths? = nope



Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot of fun!

Pick Your Artist: mark knopfler

Are you a male or female: belle starr

Describe yourself: are we in trouble now

How do you feel: no can do

Describe where you currently live: in the sky

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?: we can get wild

Favorite method of transportation?: rollin' on

You want to be: beyond my wildest dreams

Your best friend is: this is us

You and your best friends are: vic and ray

What's the weather like: donkey town

Favorite time of day: a night in summer long ago

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: je suis desole

What is life to you: dont u get it

Your fear: if this is goodbye

What is the best advice you have to give: nobodys got the gun

Thought for the Day: heart full of holes

How I would like to die: red staggerwing

My soul's present condition: let it all go

Your last relationship: i dug up a diamond

My motto: true love will never fade

if u got this far then u r most certainly tagged!! whichever one u feel like doing.

12:17am: i am so profound!!
and very good at copy+pasting...

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
 
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13.. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

14.. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

15. Hard work pays off in the future.  Laziness pays off now.

16. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

20. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

21. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

22. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

23. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

24. Light travels faster than sound.  That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

25. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

random quote of the post: "also, i smell nice."

random fact of the post: that quote does not describe me.

2:00am: i think this might be a bit random....
1. I've come to realize that my last kiss....will probs be nothing special cuz i wont know its my last kiss til sum time later.

2. I am listening to........sting!!

3. I talk.......about guys...a lot...

4. I love........ketchup!

5. My best friend........is amazing!!!

6. My first real kiss.......will probs be a bit awkward.

7. Love is.........over-rated.

8. Marriage is........sumthing i cant wait to experience.

9. Somewhere, someone is thinking........"good grief."

10. I'll always........have questions.

11. The last time I really cried was because........God felt sooo far away. and cuz i was listening to a saaad song.

12. My cell phone is/was.....sumwhere else...

13. When I wake up in the morning.......i try to go back to sleep.

14. Before I go to bed..........i take a drink.

15. Right now I am thinking about......this song. this summer. this guy...the norm.

16. Babies are.......full of potenial...

17. Today I.......tlkd to a *bunch* if ppl. most of them awesome ppl!

18. Tomorrow I will be......studying.

19. I really want to be......skinny. lol

20. Someone that will most likely re-post this is......u!

21. My ex......did a marvelous job of helping me demolish my heart! kudos to him!

22. Maybe I should........go to bed.

23. I love.......sting!

24. People would say that......they will have fun today!

25. I don't understand.......anything. at least  - not anything that i know of.

26. I have lost.......my self. my reputation. my guy. they were all beautiful let-downs.

27. Life is full of.....quirky ppl. :)

28. My past taught me........ all about growing up.

29. I get annoyed when......ppl r irrational.

30. Parties are......sweet!

31. I wish........i had sumwhere to go and sumthing to do and sum1 to do it with.

32. Dogs.......usually smell at least a little.

33. Cats.......have weird eyes.

34. Tomorrow is........coming...duh.

35. I have a low tolerance for........fighting! usually it doesnt matter anyway.

36. If I had a million dollars........i would probs have stolen it.

37. I'm totally terrified of.......killing sum1. :/


random fact of the post: i like my toast done on one side.

random quote of the post: "i now it, its 1-800-bethany ...call now for free shipping. all parts come seperately."

1:53pm: 65 things
  ( click here! :) )</div></div>

5:38pm: i had a pretty good week
yeah...this week was good.

first was sunday, and sumthing good happened sunday.

next came monday, and sumthing good happened on monday.

after that was tuesday, and sumthing good happened on tuesday.

next there was wednesday, and sumthing good happened on wednesday.

and then came thursday, and sumthing good happened on thursday.

then it was friday, and sumthing good happened on friday.

and now its saturday, and sumthing good happened on saturday.

so it was a good week!

( uh...i actually was going to tell u what happened... )
man, do i have the life or what???

random fact about me #1: i naturally really like any1 with the name "joseph".

1:58am: i do - mark wills

10:10pm: I'm surprised that I remembered my password
I guess it's been a while...again.

I have been seriously busy recently. I do a whole bunch of the same thing all day and that gets very old very fast. But I've been doing it for 7 weeks so chances are I'll live through it. *grin*

Today I got 4 shots...in a month I go back for 2 more. My arms are a little sore.

I'm quite sure I had no idea what I was getting into when I started this class. I think that must be one of the blessings of life. It is hard. It is fan. It is making me grow up. So many new things to process. so many new people to evaluate. So many ideas to comprehend. So many lists to memorize. I feel like I am getting my first glimps of the real world - it's just as bleak as it's cracked up to be.

I'm just thankful for the one very bright part of this new experience. I don't even want to start because I would find it hard to stop.

*big smile*

7:47pm: ...and AGAIN!!
i wasn't really expecting any1 to read the other 2 posts, but i felt like doing them and i thought maybe i should make up for the past 6 weeks. *sigh* it really has been that long...WoW. 

but now maybe i'll get one more. i have really been trying to keep up with sites other than facebook. not so easy...there's gmail, myspace, and homeschool alaumni on top of this. but i decided that i needed to keep up with my friends better than i have been. 

but maybe i won't. i have so little of an idea what i am supposed to be doing next that i won't make any promises. 

next monday and for the two weeks following i will be madly rehearsing a play...performances r september 11 and 12. 

following that my life is a complete blank. i want to get a jopb so that i can begin saving for school and a car, but how can i get a job without a car, and how can i get a car without a job? 

i just wanna DO sumthing.....i have so many things that i want to do, so many dreams - but none of them r materializing...it is discouraging to say the least.

so that is my life summed up......boring...discouraging...confining......of course, this makes the bright moments seem even brighter. i love my ppl...i can't wait to spend 2 weeks with sum of them during rehearsals....i can't wait for UCA games to start again so that i can see more of them...i can't wait to finish my protraits so that i cna have sum money to go to dance class and see the rest. well, not the rest......but more of the rest. :) 

overall, i could be extremely discontent with my life, but that won't help anything, so i go from one day to the next not knowing what each 1 will bring but being willing to make the best of each.

and tho i don't endorse the backstreet boys or pop in general, i will say that "downpour" is my song........this year has been a very hard one, and i'm ready for a downpour.

7:40pm:  

7:25pm:  

10:25pm: honesty no matter what...
[ZERO] Who was your last text from?
don't have a phone...haha!!

[ONE] Where was your default pic taken?
new york...pennsylvania...somewhere between manhatten and paradise

[TWO] Whats ur middle name?
ruth

[ THREE] your relationship status?
single. VERY single.

[ FOUR] Have you ever lost a close friend?
well, how close is close?? yeah

[FIVE] What is your current mood?
tired and groovy

[ SIX] Whats one of your sisters name?
nesa

[ SEVEN ] What' s your favorite color?
red

[ EIGHT] If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
well...no

[NINE] Have a crazy side?
LOL!!

[TEN] Ever had a near death experience?
not really

[ELEVEN] Who did you last video call with?
ah...premise of this question is flawed

[TWELVE] Angry at anyone?
guys...

[THIRTEEN] What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
the fact that i don't "like" anyone

[FOURTEEN] When is the last time you cried?
um...been about to cry for a little bit here

[FIFTEEN] Who would you do anything for?
um.....there r some things i won't do

[SIXTEEN] Are you happy with your life?
NO

[SEVENTEEN] Do you wish someone dead?
lol. no.

[EIGHTEEN] Is there someone that you will never stop loving?
ya - several

[NINETEEN] What Kind Of Phone Do You Have?
answered this one already

[TWENTY] Who do you trust most?
jae

[TWENTY ONE] Ever been in a fist fight?
kinda yeah. lol!

[TWENTY TWO]Have you kissed someone In The Past WeeK?
nope

[TWENTY- THREE ] Do you speak any other languages?
un poco

[TWENTY- FOUR] Whats your favorite food?
mexican, chinese, ketchup, and nvm

[TWENTY- FIVE] Describe your life in one word
aggravating

[TWENTY- SIX] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
nope

[TWENTY-SEVEN] what are you thinking of right now?
how mad i am at myself

[TWENTY- EIGHT ] What should you be doing right now?
sleeping!!

[TWENTY-NINE] Who are you thinking of right now?
already answered that one...

[THIRTY] What are you listening to?
chris rice

[THIRTY- ONE] Who was the last person you told I love you to?
haydenmac

[THIRTY- TWO] Who was the last person who yelled at you?
daniel

[THIRTY- THREE ] Do you act differently around the person you like?
um, NO

[THIRTY- FOUR] What is your natural hair color?
bronzy-brown

[THIRTY- FIVE] Who was the last person to make you smile?
thinking about the circumstances under which daniel yelled at me and i told hayden that i loved him.......LOL!

1:38pm: a funny goodbye

so jae is going to mexico for a week.5 and i had to say goodbye...

me: "bye. i love u."

jae: "i love u more."

me: "no u don't!"

then we laughed.

10:37pm: I
am a sultan of swing!

12:01am: and when i feel like that i fill in stupid surveys to take my mind off of the obvious depression
 

11:50pm: *sigh*
sumtimes i feel so incredibly inferior......

...which of course, begs the question what makes me feel any dif any other time?

and i never can figure out the answer.

1:44am: BETHANY: i didn't make this up...


B is for Bewildering

E is for Earnest

T is for Thrilling

H is for Hip

A is for Adventurous

N is for Nice

Y is for Yummy 


...i just thought it was funny.

12:59am: at least i wrote one real post in the recent past...or did i??

Background--
DOB (Date of Birth):: 8.14.90
Age::17
Location:: where i was born?? illinois 
Siblings:: 9
Pets:: none yet 

--If you were a ______ ,what would you be?--
Vegetable::  onion
Animal:: eagle
Fruit:: star fruit 
Color:: blood red 
Household Object:: a stereo 
Season:: spring!
Article of Clothing:: a-shirt
Drink:: espresso

--Emotions--
What's one thing that will always make you laugh?: joe
What's one thing that will always make you cry?: jesse
What's one thing that will always make you angry?: guys liking me 
Do you laugh a lot?: yeppers!
Do you cry a lot?: well...sometimes... 
Do you get mad easily?:at some things 
What's your strongest emotion right now?: confusion
What song brings out your strongest emotion?: thristy - chris rice, who ud be today - kenny chesney, and every time i hear ur name - keith anderson 

9:46pm: in which i is very confused
 so...what to do when u dk what to do?? do i move north, south, east, or west, or do i stay here? do i go to school this year, next year, or next semester? do i hang with these friends i like, or those friends i like? deep stuff i know... seriously though, i'm pertty much confused about everything, and that means i have no idea what i'm living for. naturally, that means that i feel like i have no purpose in life. and when i have no purpose, i have no desire to live. when i'm around people like i was around this afternoon it makes me want to live to just hang with them, but that hasn't worked yet, and idk that that will change. so there's got to be another reason...*sigh* ah, life! why did i ever get to this sill stage? somehow i have to prove everything to myself, i have to be responsible for myself, and i have to make a ton of choices. highly applicable here is a line from coldplay, "every step that u take, could be ur biggest mistake..." um, yeah! i know. but that just makes taking steps harder. ugh...i'm so lost. someone please come find me!

i guess everyone gets to this point in their lives, so it shouldn't suyrprise me that i am here. i think i make it harder for myself though...i have to make sure i'm right, and somehow the only way for me to know if i'm right is to try what other people say is wrong. well...not wrong, just not right...the only thing that keeps me looking is the fact that i know i will end up stronger at the end of all this. i will know what i believe and why. i will know how God wants me to live. i will know how i'm gonna live. and then life will be perfect... not. at least i'll be satruggling with something different. but honestly, i'm tired of "different". why can't things be normal? why can't i be normal? seriously, everybody knows that there is something odd about me, and though some people like it, no one understands it, and that means i live a lonely life. it means i love and poeple walk away. it means i open up and people close. sometimes i just wish i was like everyone else, cause then i could be understandable. did i ask to be so complex? did i ask to be so hard-to-get? did i ask to have such a hard time letting people know me? did i ask to be "intriguing"? NO!! i didn't! but that's just the thing...it's not about me and what i want! it's about who God made me. finding out how He wants me to live as a weird person in His unique world. so it's okay that i'm weird. it's okay that i'm misunderstood. it's okay that i'm too much for most people. it's okay because i love challenges. i just get tired of them sometimes...